I’m Trying

In anything I’ve ever done, my mum has always told me to try my best. Try.

I’m trying to stand on my own two feet.

I’m trying to chase my dreams. I’m trying to pay bills while I chase dreams. I’m trying to juggle two jobs. I’m trying to turn that passion into a living.

I’m trying to be myself when people told me that that wasn’t good enough, when I was picked apart for being myself. I’m trying to be my own man.

I’m trying to understand and learn more about myself. I’m trying to live with myself and my dyspraxia and how it affects me everyday.

I’m trying to deal with my insecurities. I’m trying be comfortable in own skin. I’m trying to brush off what others say about me. I’m trying not to care what others say about me.

I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to be someone that someone else will want to spend time with and that other people want to spend time with.

I’m trying to faithful to what I believe in. I’m trying to live to the values I believe in. I’m trying to be faithful to others while trying to be faithful to myself. I’m trying to have my actions and words line up. I’m trying to be real.

I’m trying to be there for others. I’m trying to be a better friend. I’m trying to be a better brother, a better son, a better grandson and I want to be a good uncle to my beloved nephew.

I’m trying to deal with loss. I’m trying to deal with rejection. I’m trying to deal with loneliness. I’m trying to find a balance between wanting my own space to be alone and wanting to be with people, which comes and goes like a flick of a switch. I’m trying to find a never-pleasing balance between accepting help and wanting to deal with things myself.

I’m trying to tell myself I’m young when I feel so much older than I am. I’m trying not to be undone by weariness.

I’m trying to deal with my mental health. I’m trying, as I’ve done for years, to deal with depression. I’m trying to be happy.

I’m trying. I’m trying my best.

I plough on as I always have, as I always will. I always pull through and I have pulled through much worse. Do not be concerned, for I write this so maybe others may feel empowered knowing they are not alone, that maybe someone feels just like they do. That they have permission to feel the same and not run away from the truth but face it and fight. To say, in this moment, there is hope and there are better days ahead. To help shine a spotlight on mental health, and not just when someone famous commits suicide.

Graham

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s